Laziness Is Not Pretty

I hate to start the new year off with a bit of "hate" but unfiortunately, that is how I roll. What's my beef, you ask? Sheer laziness.

9pm Monday night marked the end of a 24-hour bender which translated to me needing all of yesterday off to recover. That's what vacay is for so I might as well use it to better my personal health. Anyway, for the last several weeks my fridge and cupboards have been stocked in true bachelor fashion: beer & hot sauce and stale Triscuits & Skippy. Finding myself somewhat upright and mobile after noon yesterday, I figured the rest of my free day would best be spent returning my soiled tuxedo and buying some fresh groceries.

Sidebar: The white dinner jacket is a fantastic tuxedo option for standing out in a crowd (although I did get more compliments from men than women which is scary -- flattering, but scary). However the major drawback is that it is white. In the light of day I could not believe some of the damage done with the flotsam and jetsam of the NYE bacchanal smeared from sleeve to sleeve. A bit of shocked investigation on my part turned up dirt, grime, makeup, lipstick, wine, scotch, and champagne stains in various locations. Had a CSI unit come across the thing it would probably look as if some sex crime had occurred even though I woke up alone in my soft, warm bed on January 1st. Suffice to say, I walked into the rental place rather sheepishly yesterday.

But back to the lecture at hand; grocery shopping. Upon returning my tux I continued west on Wilson Boulevard towards Ballston to hit the Harris Teeter (a.k.a The Hottie Teeter). All went well as my weary body rejoiced at the mere sight of fresh fruits and vegetables having rightly assumed that the self-abuse of prior days was finally coming to an end -- well, one form of self-abuse at least. Unfortunately my little trip to the store was spoiled on the way out as I followed a attractive young lady pushing her cart out to the parking lot. We were parked near one another and I watched her finish loading her groceries into the car and then commit one of the tackiest sins on my list of Things One Does Not Do. She parked her now empty shopping cart in the stall adjacent to her car and drove off. Abandoned.

The goddamn entrance to the store where the carts are stacked was easily, 20 yeards away. 60 fucking feet but she could not find the energy to return her borrowed item to its home as the rest of society does daily. I don't know about you, but I blame her parents. And gay marriage.