Sunday, July 31, 2005

People On Airplanes = Pussies

It's been over a week since I posted but I've been out of town on business and then wasted a lot of money and brain cells drinking in Clarendon and Adams Morgan this weekend (and no, I am not a 22 year old girl).

Anyway, for work last week I had to fly to San Antonio via Dallas, then Denver via Dallas, and back home to DC via Dallas. That adds up to an assload of flights and plenty of time to contemplate how shitty people become once they set foot onto an airplane. In a word, they become pussies. I don't know why it is but people seem to need the following three things when flying:

1) Bloody Mary mix and/or tomato juice. Who drinks this shit when they're not 30,000 feet in the air? Bloody Mary mix. Most people don't even drink a real Bloody Mary unless they're at brunch or some all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet in Vegas. But three cans of the shit on a 4-hour flight? It makes no sense.

2) Multiple trips to the john. Apparently air travel turns everyone's bladder into that of a senior citizen. I seem to always get stuck in the back of the plane on flights and I get to watch a never-ending parade of the same people trekking over and over again to that stuffy little toilet in the back. Maybe it's all of the Bloody Mary mix they're drinking.

3) To generally be coddled and waited on like some spoiled debutante. Most people don't go out of their way to have someone fetching after them constantly but put a 40-year-old mother of two on an airplane and she's ringing for Bloody Mary mix on the hour.

And that last item brings me to a final and generally broad sweeping observation. There are two types of people in this world; those who ring the flight attendant call-button and those who don't. If you've ever been on a flight and pressed the call-button for a non-medical emergency don't ever do it again. If you happen to be someone who has pressed the call-button more than twice in your life, well you deserve to have a large aluminum Samsonite fall on your head. You are a shitty worthless human being.

Just an observation.


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