The Delinquencies of My Youth

I was driving in to work this morning listening to my favorite radio show and the boys were talking about one of their favorite subjects, the shit they used to steal from their jobs in high school. Even more amusing was that the phone lines lit up with people (ok, guys) calling in to share their stories of joe-job theivery. I myself didn't call in but I thought I would share my experiences. Hopefully the statute of limitations has expired on these crimes although relativlely speaking, they're not nearly as bad as some of the shennanigans other people have pulled.

My first job was working at a Little Ceasar's "Pizzeria." I started out washing pots and pans and eventually worked my way up through the "sauce-and-cheese" station, "pizza landing" station, cash register, and pizza making positions. No, I never lifted any cash. But whenever the owner/manager or her top assistant manager weren't working we were making the most disgusting pizzas man has ever seen for our own consumption. My specialty was the Meat Bonanza. Start with one large pan pizza (they were square-shaped at L.C.) that has been pre-sauced-and-cheesed. Cover every square-inch with a layer of pepperoni. Next, eyeball a good pound of sausage and spread an even layer on top of the pepperoni. Add more cheese to hold everything in place, brush any visible crust with garlic-"butter" and parmesan, and then garnish with a fistful of bacon.

At Ceasar's the pizza oven worked like a conveyor belt so you put the pizza in one end and about 7 minutes later it pops out fully-cooked at the other. Well this little pizza would take at least 12 minutes to cook so we would have to keep reaching in with this long metal prong to drag the pizza pan back to the near end of the oven. Otherwise we would be chowing on semi-frozen sausage and uncooked dough. Yum.

Good times were had there. I definitely did more grifting when I got my job at BlockBuster (best job ever) but that's a tale for another day.