Monday, August 07, 2006

Stupid Baby T-Shirts

And I don't mean "baby T's" as in the tight little shirts that women wear, but actual t-shirts for infants and toddlers. In the last few weeks I have seen the following t-shirts on very small children:
  1. Ramones tee with the presidential logo and the boys' names. This was on a 12-month-old at a Nats game.
  2. "AB/CD" tee mimicking the AC/DC logo. This was on a 2-year-old at National Airport.

I'm going to put this out there right now and let these parents know what's up. Those t-shirts are stupid. First the guy with the kids in the Ramones shirt. Yes, I can see how for a moment it seemed like a cool/cute idea. But it's not. For starters, there's nothing more unpunk than a t-shirt fetauring a "punk band" or espousing some punk ideal. So if you're actually a Ramones fan then you screwed up and maybe missed the point of it all. [editor's note: I am not a Ramones fan or a punk idealist but I do think that the Clash kick much ass.] If you're not a fan, then why not go with some innocuous band that you actually like so as not to be shit upon by pretentious high-minded douchebags such as myself? Ok fine, you want something cool and punk-y. Go with a Sex Pistols t-shirt for your infant. In reality they were an ugly boy band assembled by third parties just like any other attention-grabbing pop act so in fact, this shirt might actually be a subtely ironic gesture on your part. And we all know that subtle irony is the highest form of Cool.

As for the little girl in the mock AC/DC t-shirt; come on, dad. This is the band that among all of their hits wrote about going to hell for living the Rock Life, a literal ode to their testicles, and used cannon blasts in salute to Those About To Rock. Fuck yeah. Anyway, is this the path you want to lead your little princess down? Whatever, that's your business but let's not cutesy up one of the unabashedly rockin'est bands of all time. Ok?

Of course this little screed gave me a great idea for infant indie rock T's. Here's what I've got so far.

  • Sleater-Kinney -- For lesbian parents or the scrawny wuss dad.
  • Elliot Smith -- For the parents that probably shouldn't have kids.
  • Pavement -- For the dad that just can't let go.
  • Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks -- For the mom that just can't let go.
  • Arcade Fire -- For the currently "with it" parents.
  • Superchunk (specifically the No Pocky For Kitty album) -- Well this one just sounds "cute."
  • Broken Social Scene -- For the most pretentious parents ever.
  • Built To Spill -- For the coolest dad ever.
  • Pitchfork -- Either for the parent who absolutely doesn't get Pitchfork or the parent who hates Pitchfork enough to realize that this could be the most awesomely subversive of gestures.


At 8/07/2006 3:13 PM, Blogger Dara said...

I saw the best baby t-shirt ever, and wanted to buy it for my friend's kid, but thought better of it, since they might not get the humor.

It said "For Sale By Owner. $75 OBO."

At 8/07/2006 6:25 PM, Blogger Jason said...

Now that's a good one.

At 8/07/2006 10:39 PM, Blogger Dara said...

If there ever was a punk rock t-shirt for a baby, that's it.


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