Why don't you love me?

I take it rather personally when touring bands that I like do not come to town. "What did I do? I thought we were friends." This is the nation's capital which just so happens to be home to two of the finest music venues in the country. So where is the love? I think it is safe to say the no band on tour would ever not play New York, Boston, or Chicago. Why the hell isn't DC on that list?

I bring this up only because I have felt slapped around a bit over the past few months. It all started with The Police. I don't like reunion tours (except for The Pixies, Dinosaur Jr, the first Page and Plant tour, the inevitable GBV reunion, and the day when Uncle Tupelo reunites to play my 35th birthday party) but I am a huge fan of Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers' playing...and Sting's acting. I would love, love, love to see them live just once even if it cost me $75, a trip to the Verizon Center, and some stylistic bastardization of one of their hits. But alas, they are not coming to DC. Yeah they are headlining the Virgin Festival but I don't do festivals and I don't (necessarily) do Balm'r -- I'm high maintenance like that.

The insults later continued when Crowded House decided to reunite (even cooler than The Police reunion) but not come any closer than Philly. Come on, Neil! I buy all of your solo stuff and even have the last Finn Brothers album. Help a brutha out, I can't be driving to Philly on a school night. Anyway, the list goes on with Fountains of Wayne and Dino Jr as other notables but I don't whine much more than I already have.

The point is that I am left to wonder if DC somehow mistreated these bands in the past and now I am paying for it. To exposit upon this theory I present to you the most poorly attended shows I have ever seen in The District.

Signs Point To Yes @ The Velvet Lounge
crowd: 0
I didn't count as an attendee because I was in the band. This is one of the reason why I quit playing indie rock.

The Pernice Brothers @ The Black Cat
crowd: 75
This was when they were touring in support of World Won't End which I consider to be their best album. Why so few people were there, I have no clue but I was not at all surprised when the next time through the are they played IOTA instead.

Josh Rouse @ The Black Cat
crowd: 76
I believe this stop was in support of 1972. It felt oddly similar to the previously listed show.

Grant Lee Phillips, Kristin Hersch, and John Doe @ 9:30 Club
crowd: 120
Paradoxically, this show was dead for both inexplicable and patently understandable reasons. Those not there missed out on a duet where Grant and surprise guest Bob Mould performed "Fuzzy" and "If I Can't Change Your Mind." Awesome.