Blocktoberfest

Taking place in my neighborhood tomorrow is a horrible little event called Blocktoberfest. They do it every year in Ballston and I cannot understand why. In "honor" of Oktoberfest, organizers fence off 3 blocks for an entire afternoon, set up multiple stages featuring something like 20 bands, and sell booze on the streets. From the intial details this sounds like a pretty damn cool idea. Negative.

If this were actually anything like the real Oktoberfest activities in Bavaria, then this would be a great time. You roll up, get a bite to eat from a sausage cart, and drink copious amount of high-octane brew out of huge glass mugs. But that ain't so when Arlington/Ballston does their take on the affair. You see, what they do is charge a $20 entrance fee, sell plastic Solo cups of beer at 6 bucks-a-pop (from only a few locations which creates monstrously long and inefficient lines), and force you to stay within in the police-barracaded Blocktoberfest area while drinking your booze.

On the plus side of things you can count on a heaping helping of Arlington's standout 'tang population to partake in the event but on the downside this also creates a feeding frenzy among the city's equally substantial chachi/frat boy contingent. While entertaining, observing these simian mating rituals while being fleeced $6 at a time will drive the average human to claw his/her own eyes out.

For anyone contemplating attending this little soiree may I suggest that you instead donate $20 to the Red Cross and have a party at your house where you can get lit up off of a $12 case of PBR. Now that, as my main man Wooderson put it, is L-I-V-I-N.

- Randy "Pink"