Thursday, November 09, 2006

It Has Already Begun

I am going to be extra Scrooge-y this year. November fucking 9th. Remember that date. That was the day that the holiday marketing blitz began in the '06. A new record, an all-time low. Why can't I just consume in peace?

I wrote off yesterday as a blip. A spurious data point, perhaps? Strolling through the aisles of Target stocking up on light bulbs (I think my apartment is poorly wired) I began experiencing a buzzing sensation deep within my inner ear. That sort of pain is typically brought on by holiday music but that couldn't haven't been the case yesterday. Not this early in November. Right? Wrong. I have already repressed most of the memory so I cannot even recall what song it was but then again, all those Muzak abominations sound the same to me. I did survive however and was not yet ready to condemn society as a whole. Giving the benefit of the doubt, I assumed that it was perhaps a programming mistake. Wrong again.

This morning at my local corporate beanery I was treated to even more holiday schlock on the speakers. Further dismaying me was the sight of snowmen cookies in the pastry case and a rash of holiday gitf crap on display. As I type this rant, I am drinking this morning's "Christmas Blend" out of a red and white decorative cup. To reiterate, it is only November 9th.

Look, I am not a completely horrible person. There are many things I enjoy about Annual Gift Exchange Day. Shopping for tasteless Christmas cards, new sweaters, and the annual ritual of my parents serving Lil' Smokies with the hors d'oeuvres and me bitching about the missing "mini hot dog buns." It's all good stuff but let's give it a little bit of time. A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving hasn't even aired yet.

13 Comments:

At 11/09/2006 9:32 AM, Blogger jen said...

target was selling christmas decorations before halloween.

 
At 11/09/2006 9:47 AM, Blogger DCVita said...

I think this should be Chapter 1 to a new book. That was brilliantly written!

And I agree with you, it is WAY too early to think Christmas. I am still trying to figure out how I managed to skip Halloween.

 
At 11/09/2006 10:37 AM, Blogger Dara said...

Way back when, before law school, I had a brief stint as the manager of the seasonal department at a local Target. My big accomplishments were the transition from Back-to-School to Halloween, and then from Halloween to Christmas.

There was no Thanksgiving. Personally, I found that obnoxious, since Thanksgiving is an excellent holiday involving the singular best meal of the year. Oh, and it's my birthday.

So, at Target, we had to bring out the Christmas stuff to fill up the shelves as the Halloween stuff sold out. Inevitably, the store was half-Christmas by October 28th. And, on the morning of November 1st, I had the enviable task of having to be at the store at 3 am to make sure that the Christmas displays were all out and functioning, and the shelves were brimming with the seasonally appropriate merchandise.

Retail sucks.

 
At 11/09/2006 12:28 PM, Blogger Irish Red said...

My life is flashing forward at a record pace ANYWAY - don't make me think about gift wrap and tinsel before i'm ready, dammit!

 
At 11/09/2006 1:09 PM, Blogger Jason said...

Having worked both retail and food services...crap, I can't choose. Both industries are equally shitty. And now a random and semi-unrelated quote from Ghostbusters -- which I watched last night for the 500th time:

"Jeanine, I'm sure someone with your qualifications could find a top-flight job in ether the food service or housekeeping industries."

I'm boycotting X-mas shopping until December 20th in protest.

 
At 11/09/2006 2:54 PM, Blogger Ryane said...

"Where's the pumpkin pie??"
--Peppermint Patty

 
At 11/09/2006 7:20 PM, Blogger Jason said...

Now that's a thought; Chapter 1. Of course then the book would have to involve a psychotic killing spree after that. I guess that's feasible...

You know Ryane, you're making me realize that all of the Peanuts women were terrible people. Marcy was OK but was dealing with a lot of repressed sexual issues. The "little red-headed girl" was supposed to be nice but she may have just been a figment of Charlie Brown's depressed psyche. Huh. Was Schultz perhaps a misogynist?

 
At 11/10/2006 8:01 AM, Blogger Ryane said...

Jason: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. oh man, that comment about all the girls in Peanuts is funny.

Perhaps Schultz was a misogynist, I don't know. More likely, I think he just noticed that as a whole--kids can be really mean at times. Or maybe, maybe all of the chicks represented some woman he knew in his real life??

And anyway, he had some peculiar guys on there, too. PigPen?? Can PigPen even be explained?

;-)

 
At 11/10/2006 12:08 PM, Blogger Jason said...

I'm gonna forget that you were talking shit about Pigpen.

 
At 11/10/2006 2:01 PM, Blogger Ryane said...

Is that just your way of saying you can't explain him??

=-}

Haha. And for the record, I wasn't talking shit about PigPen, merely asking can he be explained...

 
At 11/10/2006 4:01 PM, Blogger Jason said...

He's a dirty guy. Probably from a fractured home. But he was chill. He's welcome at my parties.

Although as I believe it was Chris Rock who noted that Franklin, the only brutha on Peanuts, never seemed to be invited to the parties but Pigpen was. That is kind of fucked up.

 
At 11/14/2006 6:30 PM, Anonymous Nicole D. said...

Its not just the stores. Drinving home last night, I noticed 2 of my neighbours have put their Christmas trees up already!!! Its only the freaking 14th of November!!!! I think we need an intervention.

 
At 11/14/2006 8:05 PM, Blogger Jason said...

Come on, their trees? That's just plain wrong. Well, if Virginia is capable of banning gay marriage perhaps they can pass another reactionary ballot issue to ban Christmas in November.

 

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