The panic set in and I pulled the ripcord and as a result my Xmas list just got shorter by one name. (My previous post seems so foolish now.) It's strange to me that immediately afterward I feel compelled to write. I haven't had this compulsion in so long, maybe it's therapeutic. Who knows.
In the end, over the last three months I have set all manner of new personal dating records. I actually dated someone this long. I said "I love you" and meant it. I broke someone's heart. And I don't even know why but what's worse, I don't think she does. It's horribly unfair.
The worst part however is the inescapable sense of Relief that has overcome me. Is it because I ended something I knew could not last or because I am just that addled and unable to sustain? Jesus, I hope it's the former rather than the latter. I thought that I would have it all figured out at 30. Maybe I do but apparently my subconscious and I are not on speaking terms. Why the silent treatment? Whatever the case, 2008 and will begin much as 2007 did; single, ready yet terrified to mingle.
Elizabeth, I don't think I'll be RSVP'ing +1 to the wedding...but I am excited nonetheless.