Post-Independance Day Shout Outs

Dmitri Young

You were a triple short of hitting for the cycle yesterday and you hit the first Grand Slam I have ever seen in person. Between you and the well-endowed beauty with the loose top who kept bending over in front of me, it was one helluva day at the ballpark. (A special thanks as well to Sweet Lou Pinella for intentionally walking Ryan Zimmerman in order to load the bases and pitch to the number 3 hitter in the National League.)

9:30 Club Email SPAM

Big ups for letting me know that the reunited Smashing Pumpkins (well, 50% of them at least) will be playing the club next week. Legitimately intrigued, I may go if only to relive a little late-90's ennui and loudly argue that Zwan is the greatest Pumpkins album ever.

Flight of the Conchords

Just when I thought that televised comedy could not get any drier, you "swoop" in and make me laugh at the TV for the first time since the inaugural season of 30 Rock ended. "Inner City Pressure" is easily six times better than anything Depeche Mode ever recorded.

Evan Dando

Wondering how you were able to make your guitar sound like J Mascis, I almost wrecked my car on the Toll Road flipping through the liner notes of the so-so "new" Lemonheads album. So what if everything you write sounds like an outtake from It's A Shame About Ray, you still had the wherewithal to have J rip some nasty riffs on a couple of tracks. Well played, sir.

Pabst Blue Ribbon

For a mere $30 you filled my entire batthtub with award-winning fun. I can't quit you.

iPhone

You managed to get hundreds of people to stand in line outside of the Clarendon Apple Store for the privilege of paying $500 for a cell phone. I've done some stupid shit in my life but nothing like that. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

The "Appetite" Rule

Ah, the differences in age among those who are dating; or what the nerd in me likes to refer to as Age Deltas.

By some coincidental confluence of circumstances (how's that for a nice bit of alliteration?) the topic of age and dating has come up many times in recent discussions with friends. This past weekend someone asked me who was the, relatively, "oldest" person I had ever dated -- I was 25, she was 33. A few weeks ago I caught up with a friend who for well over a year dated a man almost 20 years her senior. And just prior to that I had a very interesting conversation with a female confidant of mine who suggested that if I am going to half-heartedly engage in blase dating situations, I should do so with women younger than me. The point being that due to biological concerns, callously stringing along women my age is tantamount to "wasting eggs" -- a solid point, indeed.

Now being in my 30, I am more conscious of my age and the age of the women that I meet. As the benchmarks of my Pop Culture Baseline remain static and time marches on, I become more and more anachronistic. "Who's Kelly Kapowski?" "That Transformers movie is based on a cartoon?" But you will get no argument from me that the fellas have it far better than the ladies when it comes to getting older and still being out there in the mix. If I "date up" or "down" it is regarded by my peers as some sort of lascivious conquest...not so for my female counterparts.

Anyway, I came up with what I have dubbed The Appetite Rule for determining the appropriateness (or inappropriateness) of the age gap between myself and some young lady whom I meet. You can adjust the metrics of the rule to suit your age, tastes and generation but the key is to pick a significant album from your formative years. Something that moved you. Then ask yourself, How old was this person when album X was released? For me, it's Appetite For Destruction. Therefore I have to ask myself, How old was she in 1987?

Recent application of the rule has induced several "oh, shit" moments for me. Give it a try sometime.

"Fight the Bite"

I read this on a banner hanging above the Toll Road this morning. Apparently it is Mosquito Awareness Week...the fact that DC is built upon a swamp never seems to go away.

listen to me!
i'm on the stereo,
stereo oh
my baby baby baby baby baby babe
gave me malaria,
hysteria oh