Monday, January 07, 2008

Trippin' On A Hole...

For the last week I have been tangoing with the good people of American Formalwear over at the Ballston Mall. You see they owe me money -- a refund to be precise -- and are dodging me with the usual claims of ineffectuality, "Uh well, we need to talk to the corporate office because as a franchise location supervisor I don't have the authority to yadda yadda yadda." Now this particular stall tactic doesn't bother me too much because I know there is an element of truth to it. I have worked in the Corporate Chain Service Industry and know well that the only thing that lowly employees are empowered to do is collect money, not return it. In fact, I am not so much upset as I am bewildered. And here is why...

Each year my friends and I host a black tie function on New Year's Eve which means that each year I have to go out and rent a tuxedo. This year, after having moved back to Ballston, I decided to rent from the closest location imaginable which turned out to be American Formalwear. The customer service rep was pleasant enough and everything was ready fro me when I picked it up on Dec 30th. I quickly tried the tux on in the store, the fit was close enough for a dark booze-soaked evening, so I went about about my business. Flash forward to NYE and I have just put on my newly rented tuxedo and am looking quite dapper. It's a bit early to head out to my pre-party destination so I sit down on the couch to channel surf and kill some time.

Mind you, this is the first time that I have ever sat down in these pants. I have only ever tried them on standing up. So I am sitting there smelling god, looking good, and feeling good and I glance down at my crotch. I know what you're thinking and what can I say, I check out my junk a lot. Usually to quietly sigh and wonder why there isn't more of it but that's a different post. Anyway, I glance down and notice this gaping hole staring back at me. The seam at the crotch had a hole in it and a tuft of the closest thing to sexy underwear that I own was staring back at me. What the fuck? I guess it was a magic hole because it only revealed itself in a seated position. There was no way I was going out like that so I scrambled to throw something together with the only decent suit I owned, left a voicemail with American Formalwear that I would be in hungover and pissed off the next day, and made my way out into 2008.

So why am I bewildered with American Formalwear? Because the best have come up with so far is to offer me store credit for the money I already paid for an unusable tuxedo. Question, what the fuck am I going to do with $140 of store credit at a tuxedo rental joint? I am not a maitre d', award show host, limo driver, or an agent for Her Majesty's Secret Service so I ask again, what the fuck am I going to do with $140 of store credit at a tuxedo rental joint? I guess it would be one thing if we were talking about Target or Olsson's where I shop all the time but how often do I need a goddamn tuxedo?

4 Comments:

At 1/07/2008 3:07 PM, Blogger Frankly, Scarlett said...

well, it's an election year in DC - lots of black tie events? Or better yet - give it to your next friend that gets married....or goes to the prom :) it'll be your wedding present! 'Don't worry, dude - the formal wear's on me!' :)

 
At 1/08/2008 9:24 AM, Anonymous Elizabeth said...

He has written. It's about bloody time.

 
At 1/08/2008 9:04 PM, Anonymous Lillith said...

Perhaps you should just pick a night to bar-hop in a very James Bondish fashion. Constantly ask for drinks shaken not stirred.

Lillith-Tenille

 
At 3/01/2008 8:00 PM, Blogger JK said...

haven't checked your blog in a while... yer still hilarious, and I say the Bond night (preferably including picking up a blind* date) is a must...

*no, not literally...

 

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